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Martin Luther King Jr. chances on Trump in the fairway


Jose Abeto Zaide

Jose Abeto Zaide

By José Abeto Zaide


FOREIGN AFFAIRS. A late edition entry of George Thomas Clark’s recollection of a January 15 meeting at the fairway between Martin Luther King Jr. and President Donald Trump:



Speeding in a golf court on a splendid golf course not far from Presidential Palace Mar-a-Lago, Martin Luther King steered toward the executive foursome and braked hard, skidding along the grass behind the fifth tee just as President Donald Trump began his downswing. Trump dribbled the ball about 20 yards and spun to scream, “Hey moron, can’t you see I’m hitting. What the hell are you doing at this private club, anyway?”

King stepped from the cart, removed his blue golf cap, and said, “Is that any way to address a man on his national birthday?”

“Oh, I beg your pardon, Dr. King. I’m sure you understand I wasn’t expecting you.”

“I had to come at once after hearing your latest outrageous comments.”

“What could that be? I only tell the truth as I rebuild this once great nation.”

“I’m referring to your unkind characterization of some African nations.”

“I’ve already said I didn’t say what they say I said.”

“So, Mr. President, you didn’t refer to certain African nations as shitholes?”

“No, but they aren’t too sweet, either. I hope you’ll admit that.”

“I’m concerned about your lack of goodwill and empathy for people of color.”

“Don’t worry. I’m further from being a racist than any man on earth.”

King put his cap back on, covered his mouth with a fist, and coughed. “I forgive whatever you said and concede I once privately commented that white Americans were worse than German Nazis. But most of the time I championed peace and equality. I therefore note with chagrin that you’re pushing the world toward the nuclear abyss.”

“Actually, I’m trying to stop the most dangerous people from starting nuclear wars, and I’ve got to be tough. That’s why I’ve threatened North Korea with fire and destruction and also why I’m modernizing our nuclear weapons that one of your guys, Obama, let get old.”

“He was trying to de-emphasize nuclear weapons as a means of maintaining international peace.”

“And he was wrong to do that. We’ve got to worry about crazy Iran and aggressive China and a Russia that keeps attacking former Soviet Republics and may be planning to use small nuclear weapons to blackmail us on the battlefields of Europe.”

“There should be no battlefields in Europe just as there never should’ve been an American invasion of Vietnam.”

“I agree. It’s my job to keep the peace.”

“I pray, President Trump, that you’re a man of sound judgment.”

“I’m the Rock of Gibraltar, Dr. King.”

“God bless you. And I hope your recent physical revealed you’re in fine health.”

“Tests proved my brain is working great, and I’m still the healthiest President in history.”

“You’re seventy-one and obese.”

“I need to drop a few pounds, but I’m only two-thirty-nine.”

“I’d say two-seventy is a rather more accurate figure.”

“You can bank on my figure. I’m the most honest man you’ll ever meet.”

King smiled.

“Come on and join our group,” Trump said.

“Sorry, I must go. But I’ll be watching.”



N.B. Martin Luther King Jr. Day is an American federal holiday. It is observed on the third Monday of January each year, closest to King’s January 15 birthday. This year, the date fell punctually last Monday. I received the entry from my deep throat source GTC earlier; but several local events intervened. Apologies.



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