By Jullie Yap Daza
Friends, fencesitters, countrymen, lend me your ears. Let us not be too harsh on that one selfless congressman whose only intention is to serve us better.
Dear Rudy, you and your colleagues do work too hard, pushing yourself to the limit well beyond your point of endurance, such as getting stuck in traffic when you could and should be a cut above the hoi polloi. How admirable of you, that despite the daily grind on EDSA and other streets you continue to work tirelessly for our benefit, without complaining, unlike us bellyachers forever bewailing the lack of roads and an abundance of undisciplined drivers and wayward policemen!
How can we make you comfortable as you labor and sweat, sine die? How can the citizens you call your constituents be so cruel as to mock you for your brilliant proposal to grant parliamentary immunity to all 297 of you when you are caught violating traffic rules? How shortsighted of us not to realize that you cannot be like us; we are neither popular nor electable; we have neither name recall nor the proper bloodline; we’re not sure we can appear telegenic during a public hearing! All we are good for is to whine about taxes, MRT breakdowns, those seasonal floods that you, fortunately, do not have to experience for a more profound understanding of the human condition.
Meantime, it’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas, the season of gift-giving. How would you like two lanes of EDSA dedicated solely and exclusively for the use of your cars 24/7 as long as they bear the signature “8” plate (no matter how many cars you own!). We’ll ask MMDA to exempt you from number coding and no-window-hours. If that doesn’t make you smile, we’ll throw in an alarm clock. If our kids can be dragged out of bed at 5:30 a.m. you should be so lucky, that you can set your own time as the masters of your fate.
But not even the best alarm clock can force you to be on time for your sessions. Therefore, we should petition Congress, who else, for a bill establishing a helicopter service, gratis et amore, for all the habitual latecomers while the early birds may choose a limousine service that comes with a champagne breakfast.
At the end of the day, all we want is for you guys to feel splendidly privileged. No need to stress you out. Leave that to us, we’re used to it.